What Guys Really Want

After intelligence, sense of humor and sex appeal, I think humility is one of my best qualities.  Despite this, though, I have decided to venture outside of my comfort zone to correct the missteps of yahoo.com/personals writer and virgin Ron Dodge.  

In his article entitled 5 Easy Ways To Make Men Smile, Dodge lists the things that might make a 13 year-old girl happy like "arm-touching."  

Luckily for men everywhere, Free Pants has already submitted his tracked version (with comments) to the editors.  I've pasted it below.  You're welcome.

#1: Touch His Arm  (Penis)

There are a lot of ways to subtly let a guy know you're into him, like maintaining eye contact, playing with your hair, and smiling a lot. But the only one that sends shivers down my spine is when a girl touches my arm (penis) during conversation. It always surprises me, and it's always great.

#2: Send Him a Random Text Message in Midday (About Touching His Penis)

OK, this might not be free depending on your cell phone plan, but it's still a great value. Nothing breaks the monotony of a long workday like a flirty note from someone special, and unless his job is super-intense he'll have plenty of time to daydream about you. (Guys like text messages about their genitals.)

#3: Give Him a Very Specific Compliment (About His Penis)

Telling a guy he's funny or smart is always appreciated, but the really meaningful compliments are the ones that reveal how well you know him. Something like "I love the way your face (penis) scrunches up when you're doing the crossword puzzle (me)."

#4: Send Him the Diary Entry You Wrote (About His Penis) After Your First Date -- or Write One Now(… Then Touch His Penis)

One of the best things about having a girlfriend is reminiscing about what you thought about each other (his penis) in the beginning of your relationship.

#5: Present Him With A Photo of You And Him (His Penis)

Guys need something to distract them from their annoying co-workers in the office.  What better way to keep his mind focused on your relationship than to have a framed photo of you and him (his penis)?  It’s something he can look to in difficult times or when he’s in need of reminiscing.

Full article is here: http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/relationships/24293/dating-tips-5-easy-ways-to-make-men-smile

Yeah, I haven't written in over a month and this is my first post back.  Deal with it.