Dios Mia

People are profoundly disturbed. According to television shows and movies, "flawed" characters overcome their fears by succumbing to love or kicking fat guys in the crotch -- it depends on the show. In real life, though, love (or crotch-kicking) doesn't really hold a candle to everyone's baggage. It's pretty depressing. I guess that's why God created Howie Do It.

In the latest Depressing Story About an Old Person, Mia Farrow has staged a hunger strike to raise awareness for the genocide in Darfur. One could also argue that she is drumming up awareness for Mia Farrow, the actress who hasn't been in a decent movie or newspaper in fifteen years.

I think Farrow is off the mark: people are aware of the problem; it's more likely that they prefer to follow Ashton Kutcher's Twitter battle with CNN than deal with dead women and children. But it's nice of Farrow to think that losing ten pounds over three weeks will scare America straight. As we all know, Americans don't mind genocide, but they will not risk putting Mia Farrow in an uncomfortable position.

It's a nice, if narcissistic thought, Mia. Here's a better way to capture people's attention: make a movie that doesn't suck.*

*Woody Allen movies not included; they were good.

**As of Free Pants press time, Farrow's hunger strike has ended. The genocide continues. Thanks for failing me again, Mia.